Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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