fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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