Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
