Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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