dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
