I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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