What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
