First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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