So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
