You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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