hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
