apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize