we made out on top of his cat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
