I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize