Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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