I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize