this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
