I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
