Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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