my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
