So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
