Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
