i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dick has a subreddit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
