fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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