I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
