you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
