I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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