i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
