i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
