After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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