Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
