I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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