When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
