You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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