last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
