Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
