shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
