he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
