did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So. Much. Porn.
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