Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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