On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
