Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
