you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
