she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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