bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
