I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A bitchslap is in order.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
