Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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