I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
