you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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