Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
