if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
