I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pooping to opera.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
