you guys were way drunker than both of me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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