bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
