Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
