Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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