Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you didnt know i had herpes?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize