my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
