Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
