How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
