I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
