mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
