Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
