I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
