i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize