he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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