Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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