i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
