She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
