just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
