I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize