He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
